time to vent on here too.

i came home from work early tonight, with the intention of getting ready for a new year’s party at my friend’s house.  about halfway into my shift, i got a text asking me to bring my 360 controller and some games.  so i thought it would be fun to copy my SC4 save data and show off some of my custom characters.

i boot up my 360 and start cleaning out my memory card.  i see that i have an old copy of my gamer profile on there, which i didn’t really need, so i open the options menu and hit “delete.”  a confirmation dialog pops up, and i just up+a it, since i thought it was the standard “are you sure you want to delete this data” dialog.  turns out, it was actually a dialog asking me how much data to delete: just the profile, or profile + items.  up+a chose profile + items.  in the fraction of second before the dialog disappeared, i thought “that can’t mean what i think it means.”

and then i was signed out of xbox live.

i check my hard drive.  Gamer Profiles = 0 kb.  the only data left in the Games folder is DLC, Live Arcade games and the one 360 game i installed on my HDD.

yeah.  for some reason, microsoft programmed the 360 to not only delete a gamer profile from a memory card, but also from any attached storage.  and that particular option wipes out any save data from any attached storage on your 360 when it is selected.  and it does this with only a single prompt.

my profile is recoverable.  the ~2 years worth of save data is not.

Braid.  Castle Crashers.  Bioshock.  Gears of War 1 and 2.  Eternal Sonata.  SotN.  Beautiful Katamari.  CoD4.  Soul Calibur 4.  Burnout: Revenge.  GTA4.  all gone.

it’s probably going to be a while before i can bring myself to even touch that thing again.

way to fucking go, Microsoft.  way to fucking go.

i hope everyone’s holiday season has gone well, i know mine sure did.  this is perhaps the first time i’ve gotten a case of the Monday Blues since i started working at stratify.

i got a lot of good swag for x-mas, including a couple of games: Beautiful Katamari and Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia.  OoE is damn fantastic, beyond what i was expecting out of it.  it really is a return to form for the Castlevania series.  everything from the graphics to the artwork to the music is beyond my expectations, and i couldn’t be happier with it.  one plus is its return to the punishing difficulty found in previous castlevania games.  after SotN came out and the leveling and weapon-drop systems became the norm, it almost felt like the designers took that as a cue to ramp things down a bit by allowing your character to become ridiculously overpowered with very little effort (see: crissaegrim and ring of varda).  it basically removed any challenge from the second half of the game.  OoE has apparently turned that on its head, as it poses an actual challenge for me.  this is very welcome.

on the flip side, Beautifil Katamari takes it one step too far.  previous katamari games haven’t been easy, but each of the levels usually had some kind of trick or path to follow, and once you found it the level was cake.  sometimes that was just a matter of following the katamari golden rule: “roll shit up as fast as you can.”  i was able to finish the original katamari without a single game over.  i finished we <3 katamari with one or two game overs.  i got to a stage in beautiful katamari that is probably impossible unless you roll on a precise line and never waver from it and even then i’m not sure.  i have game overed maybe five times on it in one sitting.  the objective is to roll up hot things to make your katamari 10,000 degrees C.  if you roll up cold things the temp goes down.  this also includes falling into water, and there happens to be a small lake outside that the people don’t mind knocking you into.  also there are vending machines that spit out soda and ice cream and if you bump them they drop enough onto your katamari to take it from over 4,000 degrees to 0 degrees.  and if you hit 0, it’s game over.

the difficulty has been ramped up big time in this game, leaving you maybe five or six minutes to finish a level that you were previously given close to ten minutes to finish in earlier games, along with a distinct shortage of large objects to roll up.  the game has been upgraded from “challenging” to “frustrating.”  but finish it i shall.

also yeah Dokuro-chan is out in the states.  undubbed.  with both series in a 2-disc set in a regular-sized DVD case.  for about $20.  score.  too bad all anime can’t be priced and sold like that.

this morning in the shower, i got an interesting idea for a rather geeky way to get into the xmas spirit.  i wrote out the skeleton program before work, and a couple hours ago i finished it off.

you can download it here:
http://i-am-boss.org/programs/Merry Christmas!.jar
executable JAR file, assuming java is properly installed it should run fine if you double-click it.  (source code inside the jar.  this is free software released under GPL v3)

merry christmas to all.

i have been meaning to write this entry for a while, but things kept getting in the way.

there is road construction going on by my house.  a pair of railroad tracks bisect two of the busiest roads in the area, and when a train is lumbering across one or both of them, obviously traffic grinds to a standstill.  it’s not uncommon to see a line of cars stretching down for at least three blocks in both directions.  the construction aims to alleviate this problem by separating the cars from the railroad – on one street, the traffic will go below the railroad.  on another, traffic will go over it.  the budget for this project got finalized a while back and almost immediately the crews started digging.  the road by my house is closed and traffic is running across a temp road until construction is done.  on the opposite road, the overpass is starting to take shape.  as a result of the construction, the intersection near the overpass has been reworked.

one of the train tracks runs about seven feet away from the intersection.  before, there was enough space in front of the tracks for two small cars or one big car.  ever since the overpass changed the shape of the intersection – and since people apparently never figured out stopping on the tracks is a bad idea – the area in front of the tracks is now off-limits, and there is a hash-pattern on the ground for about five feet back from them.  there is also a big sign near the front of the pattern that says “STOP HERE.”  and yet, despite all of the obvious clues that stopping on the tracks could kill you, at least once a day i see someone scream down the road and stop right in the middle of the train tracks.

this isn’t like “oops i went too far” or “oops i stopped short.”  this is people actively driving down and stopping in the middle of a set of railroad tracks.  they don’t even try and pull forward to get off the tracks, they just sit on them without a care in the world.  i look at them and they don’t even seem to notice.

it makes me wonder what goes through their heads.

also Kara no Kyoukai 4.  fucking awesome.

i was going to make this post yesterday, after i got home from work.  but the ending to yesterday’s shift wasn’t all that fantastic and i was rather exhausted, so i put it off until today.

it’s nothing major, just going to ramble about anime again.  it’s what i do.  i’ve started a couple new series and am going to chat about some older ones as well.

Akane-iro ni Somaru Saka: as i’ve said in #/a/, i’m not really sure why i watch this.  it’s a rather bland adaptation of an erogame, with only a handful of running jokes sprinkled throughout.  hearing Aya Hirano continue to push the high registers makes me worry she’s going to break her mature voice, but not much i can do about that.  only a few of the characters are interesting enough to keep me hooked anymore, but i continue to watch it nonetheless.

Clannad After Story: still going strong.  they’ve covered all the secondary characters it seems, so they just have Tomoya to continue with.  this one has become something of a tradition: SS-Eclipse releases episodes usually on sunday, so i end up watching the episode on Monday before work.  it’s a good way to start the week.

Hidamari Sketch x365: ;_______________________________________________________;

Hyakko: started this one over the weekend, it’s quite a bit funnier than i imagined it would be.  it has some fairly high production values, a strong cast (though we seem to be continuing the tradition of Aya Hirano high-pitch abuse), and good music.  it’s most definitely slice-of-life, and it does so fairly well.  character interactions are the meat and potatoes of the show, which so far have been done very well.  i’m looking forward to more episodes of this one.

Kannagi: this one was unexpected.  i read a synopsis on anidb and wasn’t sure what to expect.  i can say though that i’m quite pleased with it.  the animation is top-notch, and the voice acting is quite good.  i’m kind of wary of the developments in the last episode i watched, as i don’t want this to turn into harem antics.  hopefully it will far away from that.  just like Hyakko, a surprise hit with me and something i look forward to more of.

Kara no Kyoukai: MOVIE 4 FUCKING WHERE

Toaru Majutsu no Index: episode 10 was pretty badass, but its few minutes of action trumped all of the previous episodes which is kind of sad.  i’m not sure what holds me into this one either.  Touma is an interesting character, Railgun-tan is moe, and Deep Blood is a curiosity, but other than them there’s no one else of interest to me.  Index was fun for an episode or two, but her antics are predictable and boring now.  who knows, this may turn around in later episodes, but i’m not holding out much hope.

Toradora!: nice and behind on this one.  got caught up with everything else.

i also need to catch up with Kemeko DX!.  we’ll see if i have the time.

i also ended up watching some movies i had been putting off.  two weeks ago, i think, i sat down and watched 5cm Per Second and Toki wo Kakeru Shoujo.  both excellent movies, both movies i should have watched long ago.  i recently nabbed The Place Promised In Our Early Days and Voices of a Distant Star, so when i have some free time i’m going to make use of the s-video cable running to my TV and get ready to bawwww.

black lagoon season 3 where

it has been a while.

i was going to talk about things, like anime and birthday parties, but tonight came to an abrupt and somber end and i’m not feeling in the mood now.

sleep.

I can’t believe how quickly the day has gone. It seems like I just sat down at my desk, and it’s already lunchtime. I do have a fair amount of work ahead of me, so the rest of the day should sail by just as quick.

Been playing fallout 3 like mad. I’m still impressed by how much I am enjoying the game. I’ve also gotten back into garry’s mod, after downloading a few model packs and playing around with gm_botmap. Been building trains and cars, one of which I have aptly named the Super Wooden Death Car. I will post a pic when I get home.

My seriously caesar salad is seriously beckoning me.

i was going to watch some Clannad After Story before heading off to work, but instead i want to crank out some thoughts i had in the shower before they fall out of my tired brain.

i think the reason why i’m reacting so strongly to Heavens Feel isn’t because it means the end of Fate for me.  i can go back and relive the memories whenever i want, and Hollow Ataraxia hasn’t been translated either.  no, i think the reason is how strongly i can relate to Sakura.  obviously, i haven’t had a life as rough as hers.  but for a regular human being living in the real world, i’ve been through a lot in 23 years.

when i moved up here nine years ago, i very quickly built a mask and put it on.  i pretended to be happy in front of everyone, while systematically isolating myself from everything i couldn’t filter through a TV or a computer.  and while i pretended, i simultaneously hated them and cursed the world for allowing all of this to happen to me.  i held a grudge for the longest time against the people i believed caused this, despite how much they had helped me.  i hated them because they couldn’t see what was really going on.  i placed lofty expectations on everyone i met, expecting them to see through the mask, realize how much i was hurting, and try to help me.  instead i ended up getting hurt, either through their own actions or through them failing to live up to my expectations.  it was a very troubling time for me.

i also selfishly believed i was the only one hurting, and anyone else who said they hurt were lying to me.  it only made me angrier and gave me more excuses to isolate myself.

but it turns out those reactions were the inevitable result of my own inaction.  i hated people for not being able to understand me…which is a matter of course, since i never told anyone what i’d been through.  most people are programmed to assume a smiling face is a happy person, and younger people especially don’t have enough experience to figure out what a “forced smile” looks like.  my lofty expectations were a way to justify not telling anyone anything…when in truth, i was scared.  i was deathly afraid that uncorking that bottle would turn everyone away from me.  so i kept it hidden, never told a soul, and buried it under those excuses.

fast forward to my senior year in high school.  i’m not quite so isolated, but i still feel alone, and it’s coming to a point where i didn’t know if i would ever recover.  i was beginning to resign myself to a life of utter solitude.  i’m laying on a bed in my friend’s house, with my laptop.  i have to write my senior speech for english class, and i’m stumped.  i sit for maybe an hour, then i just start typing something.  i don’t know where i’m going, but i don’t stop my hands.  it turns out i’m writing my own story.  i get a chill, and a slight burst of nausea.  i imagine everyone being disgusted with me and leaving me forever.

but still, i print it out.

and i tell my story, to thirty people in a classroom.

and not only did they not run away, they cried for me.  and right then and there i felt my mask shatter and crumble to the ground.

over the next two years i slowly stopped expecting everyone to know everything about me at a glance, and i finally realized the people around me hadn’t been staring at my mask.  they had been looking at me, mask and all.  and when the mask fell, they stayed beside me.  i was too busy looking down to notice all the people standing next to me as i walked down the long, winding road of life.  i didn’t change much, as my masked self was simply repressing the irrational feelings i wasn’t outwardly expressing.  i still hold on to a small part of my mask, as i didn’t come through those experiences unscathed, and a dark twist to my personality exists to this day.  sometimes i have to put the mask back on to hold it at bay.

i could go into a comparison of how this relates back to Sakura, but if you’ve played through heavens feel you’ll know what i’m talking about and if you haven’t it would be major spoilers.  and even if you don’t intend to play through heavens feel, just reading what i wrote above would be enough to understand where i’m coming from.

and cranking that out cleared my head a bit.  i guess it’s time to go to work now.

and like most things i have encountered in my life, i have reached a complete end.

about ten minutes ago, i read through the Normal ending for Heavens Feel, marking the final ending to the game and finalizing my 100% completion of Fate/Stay Night.  it’s been a crazy ride with this game.  it was something i longed for, and yet something i never dreamed i would ever complete.  after spending those long four weeks with tsukihime, my yearning only got stronger.  and here i stand, at the tip of the mountain, having completely conquered it.

i don’t really know what i feel right now.  Heavens Feel was a rollercoaster, a much more shocking one than i imagined.  at the same time i am happy for the outcome of the True ending, i am saddened by the Normal ending, and i feel a wave of regret at plowing through the game in ten days.  it’s like losing a treasured possession, or finding a toy you played with when you were a child.  you strain to remember what it was like when you first got it, that joy and happiness.  you strive to reclaim that feeling and might enjoy yourself, but in the back of your mind you know you won’t ever be able to reclaim that inital feeling ever again.  i could read through fate dozens of times, and each time i might see something i missed last time, or something i forgot.  but i know that no read through will be as powerful or as immersive as that first time.

i look back on the ED list, and i remember what it was like when i reached each of those ends.  fond memories all.

well, i have once again stayed up far too late.  it’s time for me to take this swirl of emotions and go to bed.

So the winter went by, and spring came along. 
Nature is in its full bloom, and there is nothing left that reminds you of the cold hard days.
Stash away both what you lost and gained, for life continues on.

Now then…
The story that unraveled in this town has reached its conclusion.
New stages and people are waiting for us…

I figured out that the reason opera mini was displaying xanga wrong was due to opera being configured to shrink images, which was throwing off all the positional code. Looks great now.

I’m starting to branch out in my duties at stratify, and it means asking more questions and perhaps making some silly mistakes. I take them in my stride because a) everyone makes mistakes and b) it’s arrogant to think I won’t. The problem comes in my inability to stop playing Fate at night, which leads to me staying up late which leads to a lack of sleep. We all know where a lack of sleep leads.

I’m going to have to go cold turkey tonight and possibly tomorrow to break this. I need sleep more than I need fate.

And as if my nerves weren’t jangled enough, on my way over to lunch a big rig blasted its horn about twenty feet away from me because a van wasn’t going fast enough and they were going to crash.

Maybe I will get to head home early today…