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finished my homework in fairly short order (about 6 hours including dinner and slacking). all that's left is to fix one of the glaring bugs i left in the previous version (whoops) and try and break it. oh hey just found a bug.
now that i'm doing much more meaningful programming than making ASCII christmas trees and mazes, i'm enjoying the work more. i actually feel like i'm accomplishing something now.
off to the shower.
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HALO 3
sadly i was one of the unfortunates who got saddled with the Limited Edition. i'm very happy with the presentation: snazzy metal box with a poster thing that has the master chief on one side and a controller reference thing on the other, a booklet containing info on the races in Halo, and an Essentials disc i haven't popped in yet. i say "unfortunates" because the metal box has probably the worst retention mechanism ever. both discs popped loose, slid around inside the solid metal case and got scratched to hell. thankfully it plays, so microsoft won't have to deal with me.
i will talk more about it when i get a chance to play it more, as i have played for all of five minutes.
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∧∧
( ﾟ∀ﾟ) 〜I'M BACK
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＼ ☆
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(⌒ ⌒ヽ /
＼ （´⌒ ⌒ ⌒ヾ ／
（'⌒ ; ⌒ ::⌒ ）
（´ ） ::: ） ／
☆─ （´⌒;: ::⌒`） :; ）
（⌒:: :: ::⌒ ）hay guys i know i've been all emo for the past few days but i was going through a bit of a rough patch. y'see, i had this assignment for my Programming Paradigms class that was completely confounding me. no matter how i thought about it, i couldn't wrap my brain around how to code this one method. and of course it had to be the most important method of the entire program. so after sitting and marinating in my own self-pity i started on a downward spiral. i started catastrophising the entire situation, making it out to be the end of my college career and what not. i had a talk with my aunt and decided to ask my professor for help. he gave me exactly what i needed, and i got the program working in fairly short order. after an hour or two of debugging i got a finalized copy e-mailed to the grader. and yesterday i spent the entire day sleeping. i was down for maybe 16 hours all told. after that i am feeling loads better. and today is a day off, i will catch up on anime and reread ichimashi for the bazillionth time.
oh speaking of which i raided borders on friday
AiAo 15: well we are obviously winding down to the end of the series. the author is introducing new plotpoints that generally don't show up until the final arc, so yeah it's almost over. i still have a bit to go but kinda sad to see it go, i really like this series.
Rozen Maiden 5: taking a nice departure from the anime. kanaria is still just as silly as ever. i'm a bit sad they wiped out her "-kashira" though, but i can't really think of anything that would have fit. i'm really loving the backstory they're giving for Jum, they never really explained his hikikomori tendencies in either season, and they're really expanding on Suigintou. can't wait for 6.
IchiMashi 4: even funnier than i remembered. still loving every panel of this.
Yotsuba& 4: FUCK YES this finally got released. loving every panel of this one too.
Moon Phase 3: been looking for this one for forever, finally found it. my interest in it seems to have waned in the months since i bought volume 2, so this may take the back burner for a while as i catch up to everything else i'm behind on (i am at least one volume behind everything, including Negima, Hayate, GA II, School Rumble, NHK, Mahoromatic and Trinity Blood). also there are several new series i am looking to start.
also when i was looking at my bookshelf i saw the latest volume of Furuba that was filed was 15. so i looked for volume 16 and they didn't have it. what they did have was a boatload of volume 17. i skip over it and pick up Moon Phase instead. i get home and and soon as i read AiAo i put it on my To File Later pile and notice Furuba 16 is at the top of that pile. ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ
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still feeling bad, though a little better than yesterday. i've made a plan and i'm sticking to it. that and i took last night off to try and relax. i'm not all that better, but at least i'm no worse.
i think my biggest problem is the pressure. if i don't do this assignment well, i am doomed for the rest of the semester. each assignment in this class is a progressive extension of the previous. so if alpha isn't up to spec, neither will the other five assignments. which is why if i am still having problems tonight i will sit with my professor in his office for as long as it takes until i am confident that i can work this assignment out. and if not i recognize a former classmate from cs 151, so i can ask her for help if need be. i'm not going to let this one assignment drag me down.
i'm feeling the same as i did about a year ago, when i let two big programming assignments for cs 146 stack up, as i was overconfident in my abilities and kept telling myself i can code them both in two days. as it turned out i'm not SuperCoder, i did manage to get one completed but the other i couldn't finish. i was under an enormous amount of pressure that i let fall on myself. this time the pressure is external, but it's still pressure. i don't work too well under these conditions, and i doubt many people do.
anyway off to class.
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this semester is not off to a very good start
i've flubbed on a homework assignment for cs 160, mucked up a quiz and a midterm for 147 and missed a lab in 130. all i have to do is fuck up the assignment for 152 due on thursday and i'll have a full set.
i know i should keep a positive attitude. i know i should be saying to myself "it's the beginning of the semester, you still have time to overcome your mistakes." i know i shouldn't let myself get so bent out of shape.
but every time i try to think that way, i think to myself that i am a graduating senior and i can't even do well on a simple homework assignment. why do i have to think these things? why can't i just say "oh, that's a pity, i'll do better next time!" and keep going? why can't i just say "oh, i need to work harder on the next one!" and keep going?
instead i sit and brood about it. i don't stop to think about why i did badly and what i need to do to correct that. i don't realize that people did worse than i did.
i just want this to be over. i am sick of this place and everything it represents. i am tired of all of my hard work counting for nothing except numbers on a page. i am sick of feeling bad every time i recreate because i know there is still work to do. i am exhausted. and i can't stop.
and i can't even spend some time trying to work this out, i have to keep my schedule. i have two more homework assignments due this week, i have another due next week, and then maybe...just maybe...i can get some rest.
i am going to take some time off when i get back to try and relax, because when i'm stressed i can't code well. i will have a tea ( ´д`)c[~] and watch some House or something. i have adopted a "one enemy at a time" approach to my work; in the past i would tackle all of my assignments simultaneously and work on them bit by bit until they were finished. i now prefer to tackle my assignments one at a time until i finish it or i have no choice but to start another assignment. because of this new policy my only goal for the next two days is the alpha interpreter. my next assignment for cs160 is due on friday, but i'll have all day to do it after i get back from the 130 lab. so i can focus on the alpha interpreter until it's turned in, do my other assignment on friday, and be done. my assignment for 147 shouldn't take more than a day or two, so i can take saturday and/or sunday off. as far as i know it's the only coding assignment i have due that week.
the other thing this tends to make me forget are what i've accomplished. i turned in my tic tac toe assignment for cs 130 ahead of schedule and i did very well on it i think, enough to earn at least an A (i made all the requirements for an A+, and added simple buttons as an extra feature). so i'm not doing horribly like i so irrationally thought. i'm just having a bad week. we all have bad weeks. i can get over it. next time, i'll study twice as hard.
okay i feel a lot better. i think after i get a good night's sleep i'll be back to normal.
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