boy do i feel dumb

why didn't i start SAC as soon as i bought the original GitS?

i feel like i've been wasting all the time that wasn't being spent watching it.

tachikoma~

i'm nauseous, i have chills, i'm exhausted and i'm so light-headed i can hardly stand.

but for the moment i'm going to ignore all of that.  becuase i have to rant.  i'm so overloaded right now i can barely think.

i'm in a group project right now and i'm feeling very trapped.  i'm deathly afraid that it's going to evolve to the point that i end up shouldering the majority of the workload.  i'm so afraid because there are two situations in which i break down very easily: personal humiliation and singular pressure.

i got one earlier today and the other has been mounting over the past few days.

i don't know what i'm going to do.  i don't know how much more of this i can take.

i have resources...i think.  i may have alternatives i don't know about.  maybe this pressure will go away.  maybe it won't.

i don't mind hard work.  i don't mind putting my head down and slogging through the mud.

what i mind is having to slog through the mud with 200 pounds on my back when i was assured there would be a bunch of other people to share the load with me.

what i mind is working alone and people assuming leader = doer of all work.

and the worst part is i more or less have to wait and hope.  i don't have enough time to try and make these changes before a significant amount of work is due.  and i don't have enough free time to try and work it out with myself or with anyone else.  hell, i came home early today because i thought i was coming down with the flu.  turns out i was right.  but i couldn't even climb right into bed because i actually had work to do.  chances are i will be working most of tomorrow too.

all this does is implant self-doubt in me.  it's like tipping the first domino in a rube goldberg machine.  i get a smidge of it from one event, but as time goes on my mind starts coming up with these outrageous scenarios which serve little more than to implant more self-doubt in me.  and when i'm sick this is doubly true.

i guess i can call myself fortunate in the sense that my exhaustion mucks with my short-term memory, so i barely remember what i did this morning.  i remember the psychological aftereffects quite clearly, but not the actual event.  that is good.  when this is all over i won't be able to recount the event.

all i can do for right now is what i am supposed to do: work.  i don't have anything else to do right now, so i can just focus.  when the time is right i will judge my situation and see if it requires change.

but at this moment...i should just sleep.

glad to see this thing still helps me from time to time.

boy i sure have been busy!  and it's probably going to be much worse for a while.

i had two midterms last week and two more this week.  but on the bright side i only have one left.  as far as homework goes, i finished up my CS 130 assignment pretty easily today, i'm way ahead of schedule on my assignment for 152 (i am essentially done with the assignment and it is due a week from wednesday.  that leaves me all of next weekend to debug and test), and my assignment for 147 isn't due for almost a month and i've more or less finished the hardest part of that one (implementing the queue).  i do have some presentations to prepare for (two of them on tuesday.  ugh) but they shouldn't be so bad.  i'm actually going to spend part of monday night trying to get one of my Wii remotes to act like a mouse.  that way i can change slides without having to walk back to my laptop and i can try and spice up the presentation a bit.

the only concern is my group project, but the other members seem motivated so i'm not worried about it.

i should probably get to bed.

still too bitter to rewrite that entry (read=i don't remember what i wanted to say)

windows media player crashed on an embedded page and took my blog entry with it.  too tired to rewrite it tonight.

wow it has been six days

haven't really done much except play games, watch anime and sit.  i am taking the weekend off because of stress from the week and a general lack of sleep.  one thing i have to report is i have finished a programming assignment my professor hasn't assigned yet - we have a midterm next week and he didn't want to burden us with having to think about an assignment and a midterm at the same time.  but since he is covering concepts from the assignment on the midterm he posted the assignment with no due date.  i got to work on it last night and mostly finished it.  i still need to debug, but i probably have almost two weeks to worry about that.

i also have an assignment due next month that requires implementing a queue.  my professor said it can be done with a stack, but after looking at what was required i realized a queue made with an ArrayList would be much easier to work with.  i have to represent LRU cache replacement, so when i get a hit i move the item to the end of the queue.  with a stack i'd have to pop everything off until i got to the element i hit, then push everything back on.  with an ArrayList i can pull stuff out anywhere i want.  i just reinsert the object after i pull it out.

also i realize it's more traditional to implement a Queue with a LinkedList, and Java sort of insists i do so since LinkedList implements the Queue interface.  but i like to try new things, and so far it seems like my implementation is working.  i did some rough initial testing after i coded it and all my methods work well.  all it's manipulating is integers, so memory and overhead isn't an issue.

anyway enough of that i am late for bed.

so i figure an anime update is in order, considering how many series i've finished and how many i've started!

Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan II: more or less as funny as the first series, but there seems to be less emphasis on hilarity and more emphasis on Zakuro's HUGE FACKING TITS and Dokuro's NOT QUITE AS FACKING HUGE AS ZAKURO'S BUT STILL PRETTY FACKING BIG TITS.  hopefully that will be limited to the first episode, because frankly there are plenty of series that focus on breasts so big they barely fit in the frame.  the only thing i can see this causing is a surge in Zakuro-chan erodoujinshi, of which there are none.  still high hopes, because i loved the first series.

Clannad: never played the game, read a bit of the manga.  so far seems to be standard Key/KyoAni fare.  i'm enjoying it tremendously.  so far they're still introducing all the characters, but the animation and music are all excellent.  i can't wait for more of this.

ef: it's Shaft, good enough for me!  godly music, fantastic animation.  voice acting is kinda meh, but the seiyuus are all from the game so they aren't as polished as my ears are used to.  looking forward to more of this.

Goshuushou-sama Ninomiya-kun: a good ecchi series to tuck between Umisho and Nagasarete Airantou.  this one has a relatively interesting premise, enough to keep me rather interested.  i don't know if i will stay interested, but i'm going to keep going with it.  so far they have been keeping a delicate balance between fanservice and plot, and it seems to be working okay.  the animation suffers at times, but it's minor, not enough for me to stop watching.

Minami-ke: FUCK YES.  i have been waiting for an adaptation of this ever since the manga stopped getting scanlated, and it did not disappoint.  great animation and great voice acting.  i'm really wanting more of this one.

Myself; Yourself: wasn't sure about this one going in.  seemed like another generic romantic comedy.  not that that's necessarily a bad thing, i am the biggest sucker for romantic comedy when it's done right.  but so many of the recent romance-comedy animes have been so bland i wasn't sure if i would try any others.  this one looks to be a breath of fresh air.  the male lead needs to grow a bigger backbone though.  superb animation and great music.  some of my favorite seiyuus are in this one too.  simple story, but leaves lots of room for growth and character development.

Rental Magica: i actually haven't watched any of this one yet.  people have said it's not very good, but i'm going to give it a try.  it's got a somewhat interesting plot.

Zero no Tsukaima II and Shakugan no Shana II: grouping these two together because they are essentially the same.  i have started ZnT II but not SnS II.  so far ZnT II is the same as the first season except with guns.

i am waiting for Sketchbook, Hidamari Sketch Special, Mokke, Kodomo no Jikan, Ghost Hound, and Moyashimon.  KnJ already has subs, but they are censored so i will wait for DVD rips.  also waiting for more of the Aria OVA and ARIA The ORIGINATION.

finished off Lucky Star, Potemayo, and ARIA The NATURAL.

still watching Dennou Coil, HiguKai, Seto, and Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei.

i...think that's everything.  man it's more than i thought.

oh right the two things i said i'd mention but never did.

the first is credit card fraud!

about a week ago i check the messages on the machine and find that one is from my credit card company.  i give them a call, and it turns out there's a five dollar charge on my credit card from a wal-mart in arizona.  so someone, somehow, got ahold of my credit card info.  i'm guessing it was some kid who knows a script kiddie or something.  the last transaction i did with my credit card was a hotel reservation, but i did it on the living room computer which isn't as secure as mine.  so the data probably got intercepted.  in any case, the account is closed and i'll be getting a new card soon.

also the power went out a couple days ago, and it stayed out overnight.  it was kinda weird.  i am so used to the ambient hum of my computer that it was a little tough to get to sleep in silence.  that and the lights, i didn't realize how many little dots there are in my room at night.  perhaps the most noticably absent was the Wii.

You're kidding me.

Did you just stuff that Aperture Science thing-we-don't-know-what-it-does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?

That has got to be the dumbest thing that

oh

Woah

Woah!

good news

i figured out what that thing you just incinerated      did

it was a morality core they installed after i flooded the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin     to make me stop flooding the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin

so get comfortable while i warm up the neurotoxin emitters

Best.  Last.  Boss.  Fight.  Ever.

last night i got home from a hard day's work in class and sat in my new comfy chair to be exposed to unshielded Internets for a couple hours.  a few minutes in i get a nico link in the MQ channel and i visit it.  it's some parody of the Haruhi commercial that was in Lucky Star, so naturally i was intrigued.  however i noticed a problem.

i couldn't hear a thing.

i do some digging.  i find nothing wrong in the sound core.  i start amarok, and xine can't initialize audio drivers.  so, fed up with kubuntu once again, i migrate to Arch.

it took maybe an hour, and a very confusing session with menu.lst, but i got Arch up and running.  after some more fumbling with fglrx i get xorg and xfce running.  i'm now in the process of migrating all my backups to my xfce install.

i also moved my windows partition down about 10 gigs, so i have a lot more space for stuff now.  another nice thing about arch is that it doesn't insist on installing / and /home in the same partition.  i have / on it's own 8 gig partition and /home on a separate 12 gig partition.  so now when i decide to bog down my system with unnecessary installations, it won't impede my ability to download anime.  but even then, i'm using so little space.

[quote@aria-company ~]$ df
Filesystem           1K-blocks      Used Available Use% Mounted on
/dev/sdb3              8254272   2342288   5492688  30% /
none                   1037952         0   1037952   0% /dev/shm
/dev/sdb4             12334012    482724  11224756   5% /home
/dev/sda1            245111704 205937444  39174260  85% /mnt/anime
/dev/sdb1             58066904  44205276  13861628  77% /mnt/windows
/dev/sdc1            488384001 399213620  89170381  82% /mnt/data

that 30% usage of / includes xfce, xorg, the arch essentials, eclipse, java, and a whole bunch of other junk.  and i haven't cleaned out pacman.

my memory usage is down considerably thanks to xfce.  i'm only using half of my RAM and not even touching swap.

but yeah the install was really weird.  it installed fine, but GRUB said the linux partition didn't exist.  the root for linux was set to (hd1,2), which means second hard drive, third partition.  my partition scheme on that drive is windows, swap, root, home.  so it's pointing right where it needs to.  the windows root is (hd1,0) and booting into windows works fine.  so i start playing around with menu.lst.  i finally got it to work by setting the linux root to (hd0,2).  which makes no sense to me.  GRUB for some reason thinks linux and windows are on completely different physical discs.

and yet another way gnu/linux is superior to windows: i copied my Home folder to one of my other hard drives before formatting.  as i reinstall programs i copy the hidden folder corresponding to that program from my backed up Home to my current Home.  when i restart the program, everything is exactly as i left it.  can't beat that.

i have two other things to mention but i have to get in the shower so goodbye.

could bungie have made the AI for "humans driving warthogs" any dumber?  seriously.  this morning i was riding in the turret position on one and i must have died about 20 times in the same exact spot.  18 of those twenty times were because the idiot human driving decided to drive off a cliff.  the only reason i finished was because an elite took over driving.  and in an earlier level the human driving kept on going in circles.  i got so fed up i blew up the warthog with a spartan laser and ran through on foot.