or maybe i won't

so very tired

it has been a stressful few days

maybe i'll talk about it tomorrow

okay well now that my scanner finally works (which is thanks to rpmfind.net, a few hours with Google, and the Ubuntu forums.  no thanks to avasys.jp), i think i'm going to talk about a thing that arrived at my house today in a box from Japan.

SJSU gave me enough monies for my books to afford hollow ataraxia.

by default, it's pretty awesome.  the one song i've heard is quite nice, and the wallpapers it comes with are awesome.  i would be playing it but it is late and i am tired and i don't want to wade through moonspeak right now.  have some more scans.

Front · Back · Manual · Jewel Case Insert · DVD

i can't wait to start diving in.

it's a little late, but happy December 25th, everyone.

for those of you out there who celebrate this day in some fashion, i hope yours went less weirdly than mine did.

more tomorrow, proofing then house.

so i've been spending my days resting and relaxing.  now that finals are over and done with, i've just been trying to catch up on my sleep deficit.  so far i have been failing (my body won't let me sleep past 10:00) but at least i have been able to do nothing at all for the entire day.

there are a couple of things i have been meaning to mention.  but i am too tired to mention them all.

i will show you this though.

back in linux.  huzzah.

i should be asleep now, but in the words of raymond, I'm all clenchy!

i'm really wrapped up in my classes.  i spent a lot of time and a lot of stress getting through all this, so i'm even more involved than usual.  which means i'll be a nervous wreck until my grades are released.

but that's what worries me.  i'm so tied into my grades.  i shouldn't be worrying so much about them.  i'm not anywhere near academic probation, so what i should be concerning myself with is the learning.

it's just so hard though.  when you've gone through fifteen years of GET GOOD GRADES OR I HATE YOU FOREVER it's hard to just focus on learning.

i'm almost done, and soon i won't have to worry about them ever again.

two down, two to go.  and with my project done...i'm almost free.

okay that's one down.  the one i took today was the one i was most worried about.  my final tomorrow will be tough but it's exceedingly doable.  mostly because when you're concentrating on the test you tend to forget the differences between break and continue.  my final on monday might be a little tricky, but because of the weight the final project has on our grade, the final is only worth 10% so it's not as stressful.  my final on tuesday i could totally bomb and i'll still get an A in the class.  so today was the hump.  after tomorrow's final, it's just a bunch of writing.  once monday hits i'll be home free.

and now for some sleep.

it's that most wonderful time of the year again!

FINALS WEEK

unlike past semesters i have a final.  every.  day.  except friday.

and unlike past semesters instead of coming home, relaxing and studying for my next final i have to sit down and write and then start studying for my next final.

my most favorite of days will be next monday.  because after that day is done, my group project will be finished and turned in, and i will only have one final left.  and it will not be a difficult final.

so i am going to spend as much time writing this report as i can.  i've done well on the milestones, so i know what i'm in for.  i'm being as detailed as i can.  i've got ~15 pages and i'm just about half-way through.  so yeah, plenty of writing ahead for me.

see you guys next week.

TOMITAKE☆FLASH

so i feel like a world class idiot.

i was working on this programming assignment, my last of the semester.  it was 13 problems.  i had worked on it incrementally for a couple days, and after doing some work on the bus i was down to 2 problems.  i had to refine my answer for one, which i managed to do.  so i was down to one.  it relied on another function, so i typed it in.

haskell insisted it wasn't defined.

confused, i started up X and block-copied the lines of code directly from the assignment.  still didn't work.  i realized it might be due to how i wrote my code, since haskell uses the off-sides rule to determine relationships.  so i modified every line of my code to match.  still didn't work.

i could feel the anger building up inside me.  i didn't do anything about it.  i just kept working.

eventually i loaded up the original assignment.  it worked okay.  so for about ten minutes i continue trying to get it to work.  it doesn't.

i snap.

i hit my laptop.  and then i hit it again.  after that i continue working.  ten minutes later, i boil over.

i slam my laptop's lid, stand up and hurl it onto my bed.  as hard as i could.  then i pick it up, take the battery out and hurl it onto my bed again.  i give it about a minute.  i pick it up, put the battery back in, turn it on, take the battery back out, then finally put the battery in for good.  i start it up.  as i'm logging in i hit the keyboard hard enough to jiggle the crystals in the LCD display.  and when my login fails i did it again

"content" with my fucked up little temper tantrum, i sit down and get ready to get back to work.  i start X, open up a terminal and get hugs loaded, open up the problem sheet and lastly open up my homework file.

empty.

i stare, slackjawed, at the screen for almost five minutes.  i think it's a mistake.  i reload the file, still empty.  so after going on a little hissyfit online i sit down and start over.  i guess i can be thankful i remembered most of the assignment, because i managed to finish up in half an hour.

i then calmed down and spent the next hour making sure i didn't permanently damage my brand new thinkpad. it passed the BIOS level hard drive test, and rudamentary testing of the hardware in Windows showed no problems.  so it looks like i didn't do anything at all to it.  makes me glad i got a thinkpad.

i'm under an enormous amount of stress at the moment.  i'm going to be running as hard as i can for the next two weeks.  finals start on wednesday, and between then and now i have a fuckton of work to do on this group project, which seems to be getting more and more complicated and difficult as time progresses.

so that's why i snapped.  not much of an excuse for throwing around a $2000 machine.  but i wasn't in the right mind to just walk away and cool off.  i was hungry, stressed, and sleep deprived.  i haven't had a solid, full night's uninterrupted sleep in over a month.  my eating habits are all screwed.  and just the thought that i probably won't have very much time to myself until after the 18th just compounds everything.  tack in the fact that my entire spine has been aching for five weeks and you have me.

i really.  really.  need a vacation.